OasisINDIA.ORG.UK

I revisited one of my India journals recently.

One of the questions I'm often asked is "how do you cope with beggars?" The general rule is you don't give to them... but it's not always so simple.

I took a ric to the station instead of walking like I usually do, I was tired, it came to 18 Rupees.  I gave the driver a 20 and gave the 2 Rupees change to a beggar who was simply mithering me as I was paying the ric driver… I didn’t even look at him/her… I just wanted to get away, get on the train and go home…

But that’s not the worst… on the train a beautiful little girl approached me, ragged clothes, maybe 8 or 9.  She started begging, this was up close and personal and I couldn’t walk away.  I looked her in the eyes and said no… She was very persistent… I said sorry… and I didn’t have any food, or sweets to give her… it was when she threw herself at my feet and kissed my shoes that I couldn’t take it.  Every time she called for my attention I replied with an excuse or an apology but the net answer was no… I was respectful but resolute… trouble is was I right not to give this time but to give before???? 

My heart went out to this little girl, if I could choose a daughter I’d choose a girl like this.  The possibilities could see in that little face brought the whole thing down to 1 individual person who’s unlikely to ever reach their full potential.  She's the age of my friends eldest boy, and she's roaming the trains of Mumbai on her own,  I wanted to see her safe and clean in pretty clothes, with toys and going to school, playing out with friends… What kind of life will she have?  Where will she even sleep tonight?  What will she grow up to be?  What did I do for her?  Smile and said no, just like everyone else. 

I was so disturbed I sat next to an Indian guy and explained how it breaks my heart.  How I’ll never get used to it.  He said she wouldn’t get the money if I gave her any, her parents or her boss would get it.  He said I’d done the right thing… I’m not so sure… and I’ll probably never see her again and even If I did how could I make the dreams I have for her come true.  She disappeared back into the sea of humanity that is Mumbai.  I didn’t even ask her name, one of the few Hindi phrases I know. 

To top it off, she looked at me through the bars on the window after she’d got off the train, our eyes met… she smiled at me and waved goodbye… I smiled and waved back, fighting back the tears… of shame, regret, anger, love(?). 

Bless this little girl, who’s name I don’t know, whose circumstances I can’t change, whose life touched me and I so completely failed to touch back.  Even then that she held no grudge as she waved to me and smiled.  Help me to learn the lessons I'm supposed to through this.